incoherent thoughts on a plane

I took a flight to Cali and when I left rainy Seattle, it was well, raining of course. And when we ascended we went through  a thick layer of clouds. We were blindly following up and up towards the sun. And then it cleared. Seeing the blue sky above the chaos was just breathtaking  Spiritual analogy coming up now:

Our Lord, the son beckons us to follow him. He may lead us into areas that are hard to see, but we must willingly trust that His intentions are good and that He will bring us out. Its difficult to let go of the controls. You feel like you could crash into something, or that there is no end to the grey. But then it’s a glorious moment when you ascend to the clear and you can see His face clearly. It is then that you realize how amazing Jesus really is. How His intentions are good and upright and He knows exactly what He is doing.

I love looking down and seeing the clouds and the land below me when I’m flying.  I like to see where I’ve come from. I was down there.

When we are on the ground it’s so hard to imagine what it’s like up above. We are so focused on our problems and the areas that we see it’s hard to think about looking down from above and seeing how petty and silly the things we think about are. There is an entire world to be explored, we just need the right perspective to understand that.

In my bible study on Thursday we were talking about sheep and how we are like them. I was fortunate enough to see sheep while I was in Wales. We even had one at the farmhouse we stayed in. Our first encounter was when we were entering the town and these sheep were just walking in the road. The second encounter was when we were told not to go near the sheep at the farmhouse because it would try to ram you. Sheep are stupid. They get into dangerous situations and don’t seem to notice. Then when they get near people they don’t know, they will push them away. They are silly creatures that do silly things and don’t care about the consequences. They do not think before they act, they just move.

But I will give them this: my 3rd encounter with sheep was when my sister and I were walking and I saw these sheep on a steep hillside. I have no idea how they got there but I saw their shepherd at the top of the hill calling them. And they went up, even though it was rocky and steep. They would follow their guardian even of it was a hard climb. I wish that I could be like these sheep. Blindly following the call up the hill or through the fog without a doubt and without fear. Pressing on without complaining about the climb.

Where the shepherd Jesus is, I want to be too, no matter how blind I feel or how high I have to climb. I know I am silly and I don’t make the best choices, but Jesus does and that’s all that should matter. I must follow his voice and go where He leads.

The end.

Learning To Be Wise

Awhile ago I asked Jesus to give me wisdom. Seemed like a decent thing to ask, especially since I never seem to know the right thing to say or act. This is what He gave me:

 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Cherish her, and she will exalt you;
embrace her, and she will honor you.
She will give you a garland to grace your head
and present you with a glorious crown.”

Listen, my son, accept what I say,
and the years of your life will be many.
I instruct you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.
When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble.

Hold on to instruction, do not let it go;
guard it well, for it is your life.

Proverbs 4:7-13

 

That first bit didn’t seem very promising. I need to get wisdom, and cherish it and then I’ll be wise. Yeah, I got it… I knew that before. I know I need wisdom but How Do I Get It? This is answered very simply in the second stanza. But, look deeper at what it says right at the beginning, “Though it cost you all you have, get understanding.” If it’s going to cost me everything, do I actually want understanding and knowledge? Am I willing to give everything I have in order to obtain wisdom and to be wise? It’s a rather daunting question but look at what it says about wisdom. If you invest in it you will be exalted, and honored. You will be presented with a glorious crown. So, knowing that the benefits are good, I’m ok with giving everything I have to become wise.

 

ok. Done. I’m willing to give everything, therefore I’m wise. Right? nope. I still feel pretty dang stupid and this where the second part of the verses comes in. Cue the lightbulb. “Accept what I say…I instruct you in the way of wisdom, and lead you along straight paths.” Two very Key words to gain wisdom: I Lead. So, look at who’s writing this. Many believe (this includes myself) that Solomon wrote the book of Proverbs. He’s the “I” in this section. Follow my lead, he’s saying to his son. Watch me, learn from me. But who is Solomon to say this? Solomon was asked by God in a dream what he wants. He could have anything in the world (popularity, wealth, everlasting life) and he says wisdom! Wisdom to be a good and fair King and could rule God’s people. And God gives it to Him! He was given this Wisdom by God! So this is how the son received wisdom: God –> Solomon –> Son. God is at the top of list. He’s the direct source of the wisdom. Solomon would not be wise if it wasn’t for God.

 

But who is Solomon to us? An old dead man whose bones have turned to dust and whose sayings we can read and learn from, just as his son did. But would reading those and attempting to follow them make us wise? No. Look again at the Key words: I lead. Solomon is dead, he can’t lead us anywhere. But the source of his wisdom can. So read it again after I replace the word I to God.

Listen, my son, accept what God says,
and the years of your life will be many.
God instructs you in the way of wisdom
and leads you along straight paths.
When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble.

Hold on to instruction, do not let it go;
guard it well, for it is your life.

When we seek Him and His ways, He will lead us in the ways that are right and wise. Only then can we gain instruction and wisdom. When we live a life of obedience to the Lord and are willing to be corrected and molded, when we are willing to give up everything in order to follow God, that is how we will become wise. Jesus will lead, we must be willing to follow no matter the cost.

 

So, I’m going to be writing more(not every post, just more of them) about what God’s been teaching me and how He’s been leading me, here on my blog. There are no guarantees that the posts are going to be so nicely and happily ended as this was, and I will need people wiser than me to tell me when I’m all messed up in my thinking. But, if I am going to keep going on this fun journey I’ve been having here, then I must hold on to instruction and share it because it’s my life. Jesus is my life, and I’m not letting go.

Art Journal Strikes again.

Well. I finally have a couple posts between the last Art Journal post and this one. Seriously… Here’s three more.

 

 

The Problem with Pencils

Much to my delight I came across some old work that I had done in High School yesterday.

(Just from that sentence, you know this post is about to become Hilarious. I mean, Who did we think we were in High School? I thought I was all that. I was so awesome at writing, pretty good in math, knew my history, Sang like an Angel, etc… This is about to get amazing.)

Truth Time: It wasn’t a school project, or homework that I found, it was a 10+page story. Ah, the glories of teenage fiction (laughing yet? just wait…). The Heroine is a fairy named after none other than myself (of course) and the hero in the story is a Prince who, of course, is named after a silly boy. Also making appearances are  a sickly King, an Evil Uncle and a Huge Fox. A HUGE FOX! That is some serious imagination. His name is Tarnick. Who in their right mind thinks to themselves, “in this story there is going to be a large fox whose name is Tarnick? That’s an original name!” Apparently I did. Because lo and behold I have a story about it, which includes a very bad sketch of the world they lived in.

Now the sketch and half of the pages are written in pencil. WHAT WAS I THINKING? I was an IDIOT! yYu never write in PENCIL! Because 2 things could happen:

1) It smudges into an illegible smudge.

2) Someone could take an eraser and just erase all of the awful awesomeness.

ok. I’m not that old, and not that far out of high school and from writing that. And yet, I can see now that the words are becoming blurry and hard to read. In another couple of years it really will be a smudge. And then, where would you be? Where would I be? Never able to recall what those words said. OR, My sisters could be going through my stuff when I am old and dead and they could just erase it just as Cassandra burned Jane Austen’s letters (so sad).

Thankfully I wrote the 2nd half in pen. I love ink. You can’t erase. You can cross out, and rewrite, but no erasing. You can see the errors and the corrections.

Silly to Serious: We need to write our life stories in ink. Did you read that? INK. We shouldn’t be writing in pencil. We can’t live our lives believing everything we do will eventually be smudged out or erased. With ink, we can see where we have messed up, and we can correct it! We can look back at our lives and see where things have changed, and been made better.

When we write our lives with ink, it shows that we aren’t afraid of our mistakes and of covering them up. Today, I came across some craft instructions I had written in a hurry. There were two HUGE mistakes in it. I spelled Bags, bahs. And I spelled glue, slue. Now if that had been written in pencil I could have just erased it. Pretended it never happened. But, it was typed in INK, and so I had to go into the computer files, find it, and fix the error. I had to fix the problem, I couldn’t just write over it. Ink requires us to change the original work. We aren’t just putting a band-aid over the problem, but taking medicine so we don’t have to worry about it ever again.

Writing in ink takes courage, but never fear, you won’t regret it. It may take time if you are used to writing in pencil. But when you write with ink, you are less afraid to start over, and more careful with what you do, and what you say. So write in ink. Just do it.

Post Script: In true Emma fashion, I’m going to type up my story and preserve it. But, also in true Emma fashion, you aren’t going to be reading it on this blog. Some things (yes, this includes this silly story) are not meant to be read until I’m dead. I also should mention, the story isn’t finished. The story ends in a horrible spot and there’s no clear connections between half of things said in the story. But I’m gonna preserve it. and then… edit it and finish it (looking upwards with my guilty face on here). Yes, you read that correct. I need to finish more things that I start, even if it means trying to finish a goofy story. Will I actually do this? Maybe. Because it’d be pretty dang fun. And I LIKE fun! Here goes nothing…

Words of change.

It’s a Five Minute Monday. Friday is too distant. ok. Go.

Words. I have a lot of ideas in my head. leaves and change, being inclusive and not exclusive, how I dislike a lot of pie… The words inside swirl like fireflies dancing. They are almost impossible to catch and to pin down. The words inside follow a small pattern. They go in circles. How many can we get out in a short time?

I love how the leaves know when it’s time to change. They know exactly when is the best moment. God has designed them to change colors, lose their leaves and seem “ugly” for a time. And then the new growth comes. they are this beautiful green bud that springs into leaves that show that growth is possible. And yet, what about us? Do we have it in us to know when is the right time to change? The right time to start a new growth? I think we know that we need to change. We long to see ourselves become good people. To become better than we are. We want to move to the best place for us. But I don’t think we have the best timing in the world. Like the woman in the Allstate commercial who has a blind spot. We can’t see the whole picture when we want to turn and we end up falling and crashing. But, just as God told the trees to change leaves, He will tell us. He knows when the right time for us is. He knows that sometimes we’ll feel ugly for a season, but it’s just that. A season. And with every passing winter comes spring. There is new life coming. Face the change with courage because it’s almost time to bud.

moments of brilliance.

yep. it’s that time again. the time where I accidentally stumble across an old post. This one is from the tail-end of February. It’s called Tick-Tock. Yeah, the words that follow are my thoughts after reading it.

 

So, here I go. There are things in my life that I get to choose. But not a lot. It’s rather like Jury Duty. Something I know nothing about, but my sister just had Jury Duty, and my boss is currently on a Jury. You don’t get to choose to be on the Jury, you are Chosen. You do get to decide if the person is guilty or innocent, although you don’t get to choose the sentence. You don’t get to choose what happens to the person on trial afterwards. You don’t get to choose if they alter their lives or if they become better people. We don’t get to choose a lot of things.

 

We think we do. Go ahead, think of all the choices you get to make. You choose to brush your teeth, you choose what shirt you put on, you choose which route to go to work in the morning. But you don’t get to choose if someone else brushes their teeth (unless they are your children). You just pray they all decide to, so that you don’t have to deal with someone with bad breath. Seriously, think about all the choices made in the world. How many of them do you actually make? Not very many. Do you get to choose what the President wears in the morning? What he does between the hours of 6-7? Probably not. We really don’t make a lot of decisions.

 

But the ones we do make. Those can be very important. I’m not just talking about the little brushing the teeth choices. I’m talking about the letting someone cut in front of you in line choices. Those decisions can have a huge impact on someone else’s life. My friend told me a story about how this person decided to pay for the order of the person behind them. And then they paid for the people behind them, and so on and so forth. She said it went on for quite a while, and then a lady came up, ordered, and started looking for her wallet. She saw that her order was already made and was almost in tears when she told my friend that she couldn’t find her wallet and couldn’t pay for her order. And my friend said, “The person in front of you paid for you.” My friend went on to explain that it had started a while ago, and that the reason it had started was for her. Now she couldn’t explain that God had planned it out exactly to bless this woman because of where she works, but think about it. That first person who had made the first choice to pay for the person behind them, didn’t know what was going to happen. They just wanted to bless someones day. That person just happened to be at the end of the line, not the person right behind them. Although, I’m sure the people in the middle probably thought they were part of something pretty dang awesome.

How amazing is it that God saw that. That God knew that the lady was going to get into the end of the line and be totally blessed. He didn’t make that first person pay for the person behind them, but he saw that it was going to happen and he moved the cars in just the right order to bless this lady. Who do you think makes the lights turn green exactly when you need them? God. I can not tell you how many times I’ve been running late (which I do quite frequently) and prayed, “God I need green lights.” How many times do you think that He has given them to me? I wish I could say all the time, but no it isn’t all the time. But it is some of the time. I was late to work once, there was a ton of traffic I wasn’t counting on and I knew I was going to be late. But because I was a nanny at the time, I was going to make the mom late too! I knew I needed to be at a certain point in the route in 10 minutes or I would have be late. This spot was about 15 minutes away. And I promise,I did NOT speed but, I made it to that spot in 10 minutes. That wasn’t anything I did. No way José. God made it possible.And my 2nd favorite part of the story is that I ended up at work EARLY! I was there early! by two minutes, but still! instead of being 5-10 minutes late I was 2 minutes early! That wasn’t anything to do with me. That was God intervening in my life to get me to work on time. What a beautiful way to show the Lord’s amazing love for us! He cares about if we get to work on time! But, imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t’ prayed? If I hadn’t asked God to give me green lights, to get me there on time? I would have been so late. That little choice I made, in praying made a difference.

Our Choices matter. So make the little choices that you have count. Make them count.

Brain Inspiration

Well. I finally changed my background/layout. I didn’t really like the old one at all, And I didn’t even have to look at it too often! Go figure. Last time I tried to change it, my sister, Lauren said she no liked it. Hope she likes it this time because it’s here to stay. Well, at least for now. It’s rather monotone and a little grownup but don’t worry, I am still going to have silly posts and wonderful posts. I just needed something better then what I had.

AND! TADA! I have TWO new Art Journal pictures for you to view! YAY! The picture quality it never as good as I would like, but my patience and my wishes don’t always match up. Here is the first:

So I don’t know why I love to rhyme lately, but I have been rhyming like none other. You can’t really see it, but the black paper has a design on it of leaves. I used my favorite silver sharpies. And the pictures on the right are pictures of peoples feet. I don’t know who’s feet they are though. I know they are people I know, but the rest of their bodies were already cut  up and used somewhere… How Mysterious. And the righting on the left simple says, “Dance until you fall… Just dance…”

Poem words written below:

To You I look

And seek with my sight

To you I ask

Lord, lock me up tight

Keep me caged in

Until I can soar

Keep me secure

Until I am yours

Don’t set me free

Until I can fly

Don’t leave my side

Please stay nearby

I flit and I float

I flutter up high

But only you

Can ever satisfy

To you I look

And find my delight

To you I ask

Lord, Love me tonight.

——————————————-

Well isn’t that just so sweet. I know. my rhymes and everything-adorable. yeah, moving on. You may have noticed with all my art journal pages that I love pasting and cutting. So, I attempted to just create something on one piece of paper, and here is what I got. I later glued it into the journal and used a verse of the poem above that I wrote and then decided to cut out of it. Yeah. Here you go:

The words from the poem are these:

“When I fall, you will restore

I could never ask for more.”

And the swirly words are from an Austen Case song.

“You name is engraved in the palm of His Hands. In return for your sorrows He will teach you to dance.”

I used white crayon, and watercolor for the background. and buttons because I love them.

Goal for future Art Posts: Make it about the words. So write them and then decorate afterwards. No paper scraps with words on them. Drawing. Taking a good picture to share.

We’ll see how this works out.  See you all next time.

Learning to Be Alone

Today I told the story of the three little pigs. Truth is, that last little pig must have been pretty alone after his two brothers were eaten up and the big bad wolf dead. Being alone is tough. He may have a strong house, but that just means he is wise. And if he is so wise, does that mean he had friends? A rabbit who lived down the lane named Peter? Or birds who went each morning to wake a beautiful servant girl?

 

Truth is, even with these friends he still is alone. Alone when he sleeps at night, alone eating his breakfast. Alone working in his garden. (yes, he has a garden).

 

 

Now Emma, Why all the dramatic breaks and depressing alone speeches? Well, my friends, I AM NOT ALONE. I will NEVER be alone. And I am so incredibly happy to say that. There is a man sitting next to me as I type. There is a man who walks me to my classes and walks with me down the halls at work. Don’t go freaking out too much while I continue cause it’s Jesus. There is a man who looks me in the eyes and says you are beautiful. He looks me in the soul and says, “You are messed up. But, let me fix it. You are chaos, let me organize. You are amazing so lets make you shine.” And that man, who is human, is God. He is my love. And Creepy McCreepster as it sounds, I am content to let Him stay.

 

I do not need my rabbit friends, or my bacon brothers (you know that’s what happened to them… YUM!) I only need my solid foundation and the words of my lover. His name is Jesus Christ. And His words are true and honest. He is the light of my life and the wine to my cheese. He is my right to all my wrongs.I’m not scared of being alone, and it’s because of Him, and what He is showing me. And to quote A Cinderella story, “Anything can happen, if you just believe.”  So my dear friends, believe Him. Believe in His Calling for your life. And Believe that He is never done working in your life. Believe that He is by your side  to comfort and guide you.

More than a word

Alright. I confess. I’ve not been very good at updating my blog. My own Dad said something about it the other day. (Hi Dad). Life has been crazy crazy busy this September. I finally got two of my several drafts posted. YAY! but, Why Emma? WHY? Well, here’s why.

1)Work

2)Bible College

3)Thursday Bible Studies.

I started my Bible College classes this month. And it’s been four weeks of trying to find time to do the homework for my two classes. To be fair I do not have a lot of homework so it’s not really an excuse but more of an adjustment. My whole world had been focused on finishing up and updating curriculum for this quarter. It needs to be done, and I’m not complaining. But, my creativity has a limit and there is little room to spare for now. In August I had shorter days, where I got up later and got off earlier but now with the two classes thrown it, my days are longer. I didn’t quite realize the difference between getting home at 5 and getting home at 6. So I’m adjusting to that. And to finish it off I’m doing both Thursday Morning BIble Studies for my church. The morning, I’m teaching the kids (YAY!) which includes lesson planning (more creativity being used on other things and not this) and in the night time I’m taking the Bible Study itself. So overall I’m just insanely busy every day and have had little time to even think of updating my blog.

 

You may have also noticed that the last couple posts have been incredibly short. Too short, for my liking, honestly. This is because I’ve been using my phone to update. Which is why there are spelling and grammar mistakes that I didn’t catch as well. Seriously. It is tricky catching things like that on such a small screen. I have been putting off writing because it takes too long as well. I know, I know, but my fingers still aren’t used to it. It takes me twice as long…  And because I have my phone I really don’t make a lot of time just being on the computer. But, I am so incredibly happy right now. So pleased to say, that I will hopefully be making more updates and posts soon. God has blessed me with an opportunity (which I took) to buy myself a laptop! YEEHAW! I got one of last years MacBooks (the last edition of the white apple laptops). I got it BRAND NEW! and it has LION (ROAR!) on it! I’m so so so blessed and excited about it! I’m sitting here at my desk in my room using it! I could crawl into bed if I wanted and use it! It’s not gonna happen, because I would sleep. But I’m waiting for the updates on my Word stuff so I can’t do that just yet! I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT! I got a free printer with it too! yippee! Yes, that’s my exciting news for now! what I’ve been leading up to. I know that I could have gotten a macbook pro. But, honestly. When they came out with this laptop last year I knew in my heart that I wanted it. And when I found out that they canceled the line I was actually sad. I love having a white laptop. And yes this means I’m getting one of these. And maybe one of these. And most likely one of these

 

I haven’t decided about the keyboard one yet. I like white, but those just look so awesome. Alright.. Enough is enough. I have two new Art Journal pages to put on soon, and a third to come as soon as I find time. But for now, I’m going to go to sleep. I love sleep. I love that you need sleep. That God put it in us, to rest. to need rest. I know it’s bad to say, but going to bed at night is my favorite thing to do every day. I don’t necessarily look forward to it, but I do love crawling into bed at night turning off the light and sighing that deep sigh of rest.

 

 

 

 

Whittled

Whittled
Worked at
Wishful thinking

There’s that process of perfection. I always imagine a grandfather whittling away wood. What seems like idleness turns into a bird or an elephant. Hand-carved and individual. I read somewhere about a (fictional) woodcarver and his daughter who would just listen and know what the wood was meant to be. This amazes me. To know the finished product and all of the intricate details.

He starts off by cutting out chunks. CHUNKS! gashes in the heart. Things cut out forever. Doors you’ll never go through. Pretty soon you are a chunky blob, still so unsure of your true nature. But you must go on with a trusting heart because He knows.

And he starts carving. Slow and deliberate, like taking off a band-aid. Although painful, the point is for healing. A careful stroke here, and one over there. You can start to imagine the finished product. Beautiful chaos.

But then maybe He takes a break from carving and puts you on a shelf. Not forgotten, just working on another- a match. Musing on the perfect set. This is tough. Being left to wait. Still loved. Still cherished. But unfinished. Lacking.

And then the day He picks you up again and puts the finishing touches on. He’s done, but not finished. He places you on the mantel. In exactly the right spot. Next to exactly the right piece. Then He starts on the rest of the set. Maybe just picking the wood, or it’s just the twinkling in His eye.

And as you wait your paint fades. So He will scrub it off and paint a fresh coat. It’s better then before. Much much better. And then comes the time when He is completely finished with the set. There is perfection. He admires you, and loves you.

He whittles and polishes so that you may be perfect. Fully complete.